A Mother’s Day Message:
To my grieving mothers going through the motions of trying to understand and still living through the pain of losing a child. I was thinking on Mother’s Day that the world set aside this day to honor us, but what happens when you are grieving the loss of your child?
People around us expect us to keep moving, people around us expect us to let go. People around us expect us to keep smiling, meanwhile we are breaking and crying out for help from the inside.
Sometimes I sit and stare
Sometimes I cry
Sometimes I laugh
Sometimes I wonder why
Sometimes I wonder how
Sometimes I want to leave
Sometimes I want to stay
Sometimes oh sometimes
Sometimes these thoughts run through my mind
While other times I break down and cry
Sometimes I feel sorry for myself
Sometimes I can’t even find myself
Sometimes I don’t have the strength
Sometimes oh sometimes!!!
Sometimes it hurts so much, I just wonder why, and how I survive!!!
To celebrate this year—is celebrate the right word?—I sat quietly in my room and wondered. I wondered why my family, why my child? Why did I have to go through this pain I endure each and every day. No one will ever know or understand this emotional rollercoaster that you are on unless they walk in your shoes.
Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you cannot grieve the way you want to. Don’t ever let anyone tell you enough is enough. Don’t ever allow anyone to tell you let him/her rest now because it was your child that you lost.
Always remember it’s alright to cry, wonder why, and recollect your thoughts. Its alright to reflect on your child as well and smile or even have fun. I know at times we feel guilty about living when our children are not.
One thing we have are memories and another day to continue on this journey called life. You always can honor your child by celebrating his/her life. One thing I do is write about my experiences as living without my son, which empowers others to see they are normal as they go through the ups, downs and struggles throughout this time.
We will never be the same but we will be alright if that makes sense. After losing a child to the violence on the streets I thought I would not live this long. Six years later I’m still here and standing tall. I try to take each day as another day to help someone else. I can make a difference in someone else’s life by speaking to them. Having a conversation with them, giving them resources etc.
For some reasons a lot of us become isolated filled with fear of what others may think of us. Today I can say proudly, I don’t care what another person has to say about my child or myself. I know that I did everything in my power to raise him and give him stability throughout his life. So don’t allow the fear or intimidation stop you from pouring into another person to help them during a difficult time their life.
I also look at Mother’s Day as a day to bond with your other children if you have any. If you don’t please bond with your family because this road gets rough and sometimes we need a pat on the back. Just hearing others say “you matter,” to them are special enough for me.
We often hide in our homes and away from others so we don’t get hurt anymore or rejected. We build our own fences of protection against others and become complacent being a loner as we continue to walk this walk but it is so unfair because we have a lot to offer others as they begin to walk this journey.
So I salute you and commend you as you keep on walking this walk. Happy Mothers’ Day!!!!
Don’t ever give up, keep being your child’s voice!!!
Kimberly Kamara is the author of “Where’s My Daddy,” a children’s book aimed at kids who’ve lost a parent to murder. The book was inspired by her family’s continuing journey of grief after her son, Niam Johnson-Tate, lost his life to gun violence on July 5, 2017. Kimberly has two daughters and lives in Germantown with her husband.
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